10 Ways To Cope With A Loss Over The Holidays

I lost my dad almost 3 years ago to liver cancer and it’s still hard everyday. I’ve had to learn a few tricks over the years to not spend Christmas in the bathroom crying.

My dad loved Christmas, we both liked looking at the Christmas tree lights. It was calming in a way. I never imaged he’d be taken away so soon and so fast. Within 3 months of the discovery of his cancer he passed away. It’s so hard to talk about.

I’ve got a few things I do to help me cope with the loss of him and other loved ones during the holidays though. It doesn’t make the pain go away but it does help to remember a time when they were here.

10 ways to cope with a loss over the holidays

What is grief?

“Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical”. 

Why is it important to deal with the loss of a loved one?

There is no wrong or right way to deal with grief, some grieve differently than others. Grief is a natural emotion so it’s important to let yourself feel it, often times the pain of a loss can be overwhelming. Remember the grieving process will take some time. 

How to cope with loss over the holiday season:

  1. Acknowledge the holidays will be different without the person around.
  2. Create a new tradition in memory of your loved one.
  3. Decide if you’re going to have the holiday in the same place. The place you’ve been celebrating may be too much for you to handle while still coping with the loss.
  4. Keep in mind not everyone grieves in the same way, so just because someone isn’t in the same boat as you doesn’t mean they’re not hurting too.
  5. Include a favorite dish your loved one liked, this will keep the memory light.
  6. Buy a gift you would’ve bought a loved one and donate it to a charity of your choice or of one in which your loved one passed away. I do this with the liver cancer foundation.
  7. Be honest with family and tell then exactly what you do and don’t want to do for the holiday, if it’s just too much I’m sure they will not fault you for your absents.
  8. Send a holiday card to the loved one who passed away if not one of your parents. I do this with my best friend who lost her dad too.
  9. Pull out some old photos with family and friends and listen to the stories that pour out of their memories.
  10. Find a grief group if you need a little extra help and you feel you can’t talk to family or friends. There is no shame in seeking outside help.

I hope these tips will help you get through the holidays while grieving the loss of a loved one. Remember to just take it one day at a time no matter how long it has been.

How do you spend time with your family during the holidays?

The Best Thing I Ever Ate

There is a show on The Cooking channel which I love watching but anyway, the show is called “The Best Thing I Ever Ate”. I can’t pick just one though. I’ve been eating for 30 years and I have so many favorite!

The best thing I ever ate
If these photos don’t make you drool even just a little then you’re not living your life right, I’m just kidding – I know you love your life. I hope you love your life because you only get one of them. Anyway, enough motivation because that is for another post. However you can visit “My Guide To Confidence In 6 steps” if you need a little self love at this very moment, or you can pin this post and come back when you have time to read it through.

The mocha pudding from a place at Carolina Beach that I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the restaurant. Look at it though, how can you not want to grab a spoon and devour it?! The mocha and the caramel are made for each other when it comes to this dessert.

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Chocolate Lasagna & Zeppoli from Olive Garden, don’t knock it until you try it! It’s so rich and the cream choose brings together the chocolate mousse and the thin chocolate layers of cake. There are shavings a top the lasagna to top it off and it makes it so pretty but you can’t wait to dig in. You can definitely share it with someone else became it is a little on the rich side.

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Roscoto wine is my favourite! It’s a sweet wine that pairs well with desserts so a glass or two with the chocolate lasagna. You can get Rosocto ate Total Wine, trust me if you like a sweet red wine then you’ll want to be all over this!
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Not Your Mama’s Banana a Pudding is absolutely amazing! When I first tasted it my mother and were in Savanah, the first time checking out the scenery and doing the tourist thing we decided we wanted to see what the hype was about Paula Dean’s restaurant. I found the recipe from The Food Network and I fell in love as well as every event I’ve taken it to.

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I hope this post has satisfied your sweet teeth in a very cyber way, if that’s a thing. I hope you stick around because I may keep up and add on top this post as I find new favorites.

 

What is one of your favorite foods that you can’t wait to shovel into your mouth?

Fall In Love, Again

It’s been a rough 3 years, I’ve been misdiagnosed until about 7 months ago. The meds I was taking were actually making my bipolar disorder worse.

I’ve fallen out of love with pretty much everything including myself. I’ve felt so numb for so long that I didn’t care if I ate, got out of bed, or some days even shower.

Fall in love again

I’ve worked deeply with my psychiatrist for the past few months to make sure I’m being honest. I want to get better because the shell I’m living in isn’t where I want to be anymore.

I don’t want to take medication but I have no choice, I can’t afford to lose another job, trade-in my 6th brand new car in 6 years, or stay in bed for days at a time.

Fall In Love, Again #mentalhealth #love #art #yoga #running #adventure

I broke things off with the (ex) boyfriend because frankly who wants to live with someone having crying fits, anger issues, financial binges, or a general dislike for themselves?

He’d been my rock all year but in a moment I decided to ruin it and then let it all go. So, I’ve taken it upon myself to be single, the rest of my life.

I may be feeling better with my fine-tuned medications but that only helps keep the vicious animal at bay, they don’t actually cure anything. I could still have an episode any time which can lead to sleepless nights, depression, or mania.

I’d love to find someone down the road maybe but it would have to sweep me off my feet to even be considered getting passed the moated concrete wall I’ve so carefully constructed around my heart, which will not be an easy task. With my luck, it would be a knight riding a donkey who likes Opera music (no offense if you like opera).

 

I want to fall in love again with:

Reading – I would read at least 2 books a month and now I have a small stack sitting on my crowded bookshelf just waiting to have a crease in their spines.

Painting – Painting was something new I picked up before the worst transpired. I can’t draw stick people but I can make lines, shapes, and TRY to paint what’s in my mind.

Art – My favorite place is the art museum, I love everything about it. The unique pieces, sculptures made with methodical precision, the smell. That last one may sound a bit odd. There’s an endless pond in two spots on the property where I love to write and shady spots near the pavilion.

Running – I love hearing my feet hit the pavement, although Time has ticked by and I’ve gained weight so it won’t be as easy as those 7 minute miles I use to run.

Fall In Love, Again #mentalhealth #love #art #yoga #running #adventure

Writing – I had a freelance writing business that I let tank. I was doing great because it was paying the bills. Then I’d get into my moods and that stickiness doesn’t keep clients. Now that I’m feeling better I’m going to try my hand to build it once more. In the meantime, I’m going to pour everything into this little space. I’m hoping to monetize later but for now, I’ll be nurturing it.

Adventures – I went to the Tennessee mountains last month and although it was cold, wet, and rainy a friend and I found ourselves by the Chestoa river In the Cherokee National Forest. The water was flowing, the branches we’re dancing, and the sand squished under our feet. I felt the spark light my spirit and I craved more.

Fall In Love, Again #mentalhealth #love #art #yoga #running #adventure

What do you want to fall in love with again?