Behind The Scene Of 2020

I’m not one to make New Years resolutions because I have a hard time sticking to anything longer than a few months. If I don’t see progress in 2-3 months then I usually move along to the next thing.. like crocheting, how on earth is it done?!

2020 was full of surprises and threw us all some curve balls in some of those we’ve not recovered. Just as long as we do the best with what we can that’s all we can do.

Adventures

After the crucial lockdowns, curfews, and loss of work I didn’t manage to have a little fun it i did have some fun. I tagged along on my first ever trail ride & rock crawl, we hiked the gorgeous Catawba Falls Waterfall, with a few other adventures that were had (you’ll see more of those in later posts).

Self Care

I’ve had a lot of time to think with being out of work and my freelance writing business pretty much non-existent now I was drowning in stress and anxiety.

I had plenty of time to search, read, and figure out ways to help with my anxiety and stress (I’ve decided to write an ebook for stress. You can preorder now and the ebook will go out the first week of January.)

I thought I’d share how I deal with stress, and had a wonderful guest blogger to share the 6 ways you can find confidence.

I’ve shared my bipolar story with the world as a way to relate to other mental health bloggers. I got a lot of blow back from that saying I shouldn’t be sharing my personal life online. Isn’t that what a blog is all about in a way though? 

Food

I’ve actually done a ton of cooking and baking over the last few months last year. I’ve been making a meal plan and cooking for my boyfriend for the passed 2 months. Although cooking 3 meals in one day is a little chaotic so I didn’t take photos of all recipes and if I did they came out looking like crap so I didn’t use them or publish the recipe.

I made some peanut butter protein bars which were good but what I absolutely loved making {and eating} were the chocolate strawberry boxes

I made for a dessert. Everyone that tried them loved them. I do think I’ll make the top layer of chocolate a little thinner as it was a little hard to crack open. I want to leave out the strawberry and try it with chocolate and orange which is one of my favorites too.

As for 2021 I think I might try something different and pick a word, I’ve put a lot of thought into the word I’d pick as I want to thrive along with that word this year.

The word I picked was abundant because that’s what I want. In everything I do I want there to be an abundance.

You might think it’s silly but I think I’m excited to try and fulfill my word. That would mean new opportunities all around the board. I thought it was a great idea since I don’t make resolutions. I could set goals but as I said I don’t really do well with those.

I think having a word will help because if at least one thing goes according to plan and turns out abundant I will be motivated to try the next and it’ll be one thing I can be proud of.

What’s your take on 2020?

Mood Bored; A Bipolar Story

– This one is a little raw, it’s honesty in the days of my life. This post is one about bipolar disorder and the effects, this post also touches on anxiety and depression. I don’t know if any of these will trigger anyone with a mental illness. –

If you’ve watched TV, Netflix, Hulu, or any other tv or tv app then chances are you’ve seen a bipolar medication commercial, these commercials talk about bipolar’s “extreme highs or lows” meaning  depression, mania, and hypomania.

I’ve spent 5 days in a state of mania and now I’m exhausted. I’ve barely slept, my brain has been firing non stop for the duration, and my emotions were all over the place.

Mood Bored; A Bipolar Story

What is hard about this disorder is that you don’t know when any of it is going to happen, it could be weeks or it could be months but when it does the only thing you can do is hold on and trust it won’t last forever.
Drowning in bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety

It can be really hard on your family and friends too; canceling plans made well in advance that everyone is excited for, family get togethers, or just hanging out to watch tv or paint.

When the mind decides itself upon something there is no changing it, especially when it’s wired in so deep it can’t be found. I’ve made terrible financial decisions, relationship choices, not looking after my well being, and spending days feeling like I have to read 3 books, write a novel, paint 12 canvases, writer 15 business and 20 personal blog posts, talk to every friend I have for hours, and get my hair & nails done when I’m so confident I could touch the sky.

I’ve also got anxiety which can be brought through the roof sometimes. Large crowds I can’t be in because I’m worried something will happen to me or the ones I love, I’m claustrophobic even in my own clothes because my chest gets so tight I can’t breathe, and bring on the stress that bring on the panic attacks. That’s only to name a few.

See what I mean by just holding on, it’s really all you can do. I’ve picked up a few tools along the way. I’ve learned to still try to be mindful in these episodes and anxieties. It’s definitely not easy but you’ve got to push through to find something to grasp while waiting for the storm to pass.

storm passing bipolar, anxiety, depression

I’ve recently started going to a psychologist which was referred to by my psychiatrist, but I’m not exactly sure how it should go, I’ve only been once. I thought it was just talking about my feelings but I was told to talk about anything that pop up or anything I find during the week before another session to write things down, I’d like to cover.


I’ve had anxiety for most of my life and I’ve been misdiagnosed since I was a teenager, i was being treated for anxiety and depression but nothing was working; if anything it was making it worse. I was a little relieved when I got the bipolar diagnosis because now I know I’m not crazy and all over the place chalking it up to my personality.

Someone who knows where you’re at and what it’s like is always helpful. Other than my psychologist and psychiatrist I’m going at this alone myself. When I try to talk to friends or family members all I get is a “I don’t understand”, which sort of pisses me off in the case with my mother. I talk to her about everything, she’s my best friend yet for this particular subject she won’t take the time to read up on it or ways she could help.

If you too have this disorder and need someone to talk to, I keep conversations confidential but I’m in no way a psychologist but I am a good listener. Send me a message or email and we’ll chat as long as you need to.